Diligence possesses complete merit,
Almost from Heaven.
The following was written in one of my journals during my twenties:
"My major problem which contributes to my disasters is procrastination. I am not good at maintenance. I love starting new projects so much that I create much more than I can maintain. I am continually playing catch up with my business activities rather than dealing with the problems as they come to me. I often see all of this as a sign of immaturity and imagine that I will out grow it. However, I am a survivor. I can just stay out of trouble and I manage to spend most of my time doing a whole variety of enjoyable activities, and sometimes get paid for it (just enough to stay out of trouble). In school, I went to class just enough to stay out of trouble. I never have felt that I learned nearly as much from attending classes as I have from doing my own reading and talking and rehearsing with friends. I am much younger than my peers and sometimes feel deficient, not in understanding, but in that confidence that comes with maturity and discipline. I will also easily stand aside to let an older person have their way. I have watched some young people who seem less mature than I am argue uselessly with those who have so much more experience than they do. I have never been that way, however, my rebellions against authority have come in the form of apathy. My direction seems so much my very own and I have to choose my masters as they come across my straight and narrow path. I am almost physically incapable of doing something that someone wants me to if it doesn't seem to fit 'the plan.' I have always felt some sense of destiny.
"I was once told by a wise person named William that my intellectual maturity had out grown my emotional maturity. This was when I was about nineteen. Who knows where I am now. I've had a few hard knocks since I talked to William. I gained a lot of emotional growth while dealing with my separation, but I think I need to gain more intellectually in order to be able to explain my feelings more convincingly to others. I have an embarrassingly limited knowledge of modern philosophies as well as current trends in art. My interests in philosophy has been similar to a hippy's during the sixties, though I believe I studied those philosophies a bit more thoroughly. Denton held on to the sixties into the middle and late seventies. Not many other philosophies have not come across my path. My intellectual development can mostly be attributed to some study of different forms of psychology and a great deal of study of many different religions. Most of the interpretations of scripture I have read have been Jungian. Philosophy as pure speculation as always bothered me especially in relation to aesthetics. I mostly want to put my trust in my own phenomenological experiences and perceptions. I haven't found a philosopher that has been able to fully describe an artistic experience. Art nonverbally integrates many ideas in ways that can sometimes only be felt and not described."